Everybody is getting into the Presidential race, in fact, each announcement is worth (what used to be) at least five or six announcements. For example, I've known for quite a while now the Obama Bin Laden Hussien Barack was going to run for President, but hello, it's news again today.
But let's talk about what's really important, what is all over the media news, the stuff that we can't get enough of because it's just so damn important that we know. Who's Anna Nicole Smith's baby's daddy and was she murdered.
Well I can answer the first question, but not the second. I'm Anna Nicole Smith's baby's daddy. That's right, you don't need to worry about it anymore. The great mystery is solved. Don't listen to the media about this because they don't have a clue.
I understand, how can I be Anna Nicole Smith's baby's daddy? Well that's easy. Like theme parties that are going on at these frats, you know, the MLK party that raised such a ruckus? Well, I held one too. I had me a down home trailer park trash party. Like all good trailer park trash parties, I sent out my invitations but nobody showed up. Well, almost nobody.
If there's ever one person who will find a trailer trash party, it was Anna Nicole Smith. Now, don't get me wrong, I wasn't planning on sleeping with her because she was like a sister to me. I mean, she was the only one who cared enough to show up at my trailer park trash party. Anna, she was ready to go. She wanted me bad, but I kept telling her 'No, Anna, quit touching me. You're like my sister.' but then came those words that took my breathe away... she said, "How can you call this a trailer park trash party if you won't sleep with your own sister?"
So mystery solved, on part A. As for part B, I don't know, I don't care, I haven't seen her in a while so it wasn't me that killed her if she was murdered. The only thing I need to know now is, how do I get my money?
Since I solved half the mystery for you folks, can you please hurry up and solve the rest of the story so you can get back to the real news?